Starving teenagers have been found on a small island off the coast of New Zealand where they were wrecked in a gale. They had been living on coconuts for many days and were slowly starving.
'This is just what we need' declared Prince Philip from the steps of Buckingham Palace 'adventure which gives young lads the experience of a bracing life of challenge. I had this at the hell hole Gordianstone where I went to school and it never did me any harm. In fact it has made me the man I am. That's Man with a capital M.'
Charles joined his father outside the Palace and nodded in agreement as Philip set out his recipe for youth. 'There's nothing like a bit of pain and suffering to develop your character' he affirmed 'look at me. I have lived through hell and come out the other side a better man. That's Man with a capital M.'
Prince William put his arm around his grandfather and father and gently explained that the world has changed since the Boy Scout age of a tough upbringing. 'Look how my Mum suffered as a result of your sick philosophy. We need to become more humane and gentle.'
'My God, you wet sissy!' exclaimed Philip and Charles together 'what is to become of us with you as King?'
'You'll be dead by then.'