Written by Flora Belle
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Topics: Jobs, interview

Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for Job Interview Ends In Tragedy
Some office people unconnected with the story.

The village of East Bergholt in Suffolk was left shocked and stunned yesterday following the tragic murder of father-of-none Matt Topiary, 32.

Mr Topiary, who had been unemployed for several months, had been attending a job interview for a floor tile sweeper in nearby Dedham when the horror occurred.

A source at the company Floortile World described Mr Topiary's interview as "stupendous" and said he was just what they were looking for.

Tragedy appears to have struck in the outer vestibule of the main offices. Mr Richard Spackle, 57, another candidate for the position went "a bit mental". He allegedly accused Mr Topiary of "nicking his rightful job" and launched into an assault on the victim with a variety of office equipment. Paramedics were called to the scene but pronounced Mr Topiary dead from under a soft drinks vending machine.

Fears that current unemployment figures could prompt copycat killings in the desperate rush for work have already been discussed at length on the local radio.

Spokeswoman for Suffolk police force, Shirley Knott, said that the circumstances were tragic and Mr Spackle would be held fully accountable for his actions. However, priority at the moment was deciding the correct technical name for the crime. Interviewicide has been deemed too unwieldy, jobicide being more catchy but colloquiumicide had the right importance to it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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