Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Topics: Health, Women, Obesity, Fat

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

image for One in Four Fat Birds Just Don't Know It
Will this make my arse big?

An article published in an Essex medical journal claims a quarter of fat birds are in denial and don't think they have a weight problem.

Experts at the world famous Romford Medical Institute have conducted interviews with 2,000 women aged 18 to 25. Lead researcher, Donna Shish-Kebab, described the research findings as 'fucking amazing'.

She went on to say, "We interviewed 2,000 birds from around Essex, all of whom were fat old slappers, but only three quarters of them knew it. Most, if not all, had more spare tyres than a F1 team and all tipped the scales at 17 stones or more.

"Despite this, 500 of the women would insist on squeezing their size 26 or so frames into size 8 boob tubes and miniskirts, with matching white accessories, of course. When made to stand in front of a mirror, they could only see Denise Van Outen in the reflection, who, as we know, is a classic Essex stunner.

"They would look admiringly at their curves, running their hands over their mountainous arses and their 58" GG cup breasts. All seemed totally unaware that their average BMI of 60 rendered them morbidly obese and at risk of all manner of medical and social ailments.

"Having said that, they were generally much happier than the other 1500 women and had never counted a calorie in their lives".

The second phase of this research is ongoing and is focussing on the perception of the husbands of the 2,000 women who were studied. Initial findings indicate that the husbands of the 500 insightless women were the most happily married.

This appeared to be due to the fact that they were never put in the precarious position of having to answer the question "Does my arse look big in this?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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