Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 7 November 2010

image for Manchester United's Chicharito Says That X-Factor Is His Favorite Show
One of two English footballs that Chicharito autographed and gave to Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue.

LONDON - Manchester United's Chicharito, whose real name is Javier Hernandez Balcazar, told a reporter for The Manchester Morning Manc that he loves watching the English singing competition show, X-Factor.

Chicharito, who is from Guadalajara, Mexico, said in somewhat broken English, "I lub washing dee X-Factor. Eat has two berry berry pretty muchachas (girls) who are dee judges and dey are berry pretty wiff, how ju sey?...berry sexy asses, jes dat's dee word dat I was looking for to sey, asses."

Javier smiled and said that he thinks that Simon Cowell seems to be a nice guy but added that Louis Walsh seems to always be making faces that look like he is sitting on something that is hurting him like maybe a garden tool, a pair of maracas, or perhaps a Bunsen burner.

Chicharito, who wears number 14 for the Red Devils, was asked which contestant he likes the best. He thought about it for a while and said that he likes Cher Lloyd. He then said that the reason was because he loves baseball and she sang a very pretty baseball song, "Umpire State Of Mind."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I spoke with David Frost who informed me that the song that Lloyd sang was actually Alicia Keys and Jay-Z's "Empire State Of Mind."]

After the singing dust had settled Katie Waissel and Treyc Cohen found themselves in the bottom two. Cohen sang the somewhat appropriate Toni Braxton song "Unbreak My Heart" as he was eliminated from the show.

SIDENOTE: Next week the musical theme will be songs by Elton John. And the week after that the theme will be 'The Favorite Songs of Attila The Hun.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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