Shopping Centre Toilets can be a hassle at the best of times, but when it's a Friday morning and all the shoppers are out and about in their droves you sometimes need to get a little adventurous.
Well, that's what gay man Larry Sabu, 20, did when he came in from the rear, thus avoiding the heaving throng of sweaty, panting customers.
"I stood watching the flow of traffic for several minutes before making my move. I went through various scenario's and then entered all my computations into my solar-powered calculator ", Larry said, "Then I said Fuck that - I'll just enter from the rear".
What followed was what could only be called a 'Shawshank Redemption' moment.
Scaling an 8-foot wall, Larry eased himself in through the crack in a sewerage pipe and hunched down behind a mildewed cistern.
"There was heavy breathing. I knew a man was right on top of me with his trousers at his ankles. This I could quite merrily cope with".
But the putrid stench of death took some getting used to.
Larry tried to blend in, so put on his Lycra Butterfly-Man costume.
"It seemed the most obvious step to take", he explained.
It turned out that the man parting his flabby arse cheeks was a visiting big, fat, hairy Texan Marine.
"This was no big deal: I've been under more drunken sailors than a nautical toilet", Larry quipped.
After twenty or thirty tense minutes, the coast was clear and Larry stealthily crawled towards the vacant toilet cubicle. By now he was stained in every orifice excretion imaginable .
"The funny thing was that I actually didn't need to go to the toilet in the first place. I really didn't think that part of the plan through thoroughly..."