Written by Xavier
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Topics: Gay, Prison

Sunday, 10 October 2010

image for Prison Service Introduce Double Beds for Gay Cons
New prison style double bed

The Labour Opposition was in outrage, hastily sending quotes and sound bites to the tabloids after Crispin Blunt announced that gay prisoners in double cells will be able to demand double beds.

Under Human Rights Acts all prisoners have a right to a familiy life and Mr Blunt says that he has no choice but to provide the new double beds for gay cons.

Victims groups screamed in outrage and insisted that, should the cons in their cases get the double beds their compensation should be doubled to help alleviate their mental anguish.

The Ministry of Justice, in answer to a FoIA question, said that there would be no more than 3,000 double beds needed and these have already been ordered from BedWorld; They insisted that they were not fancy expensive beds but low quality foreign imports. Cons will have a choice of mattress though - hard or soft.

Mr Blunt admitted that cons will be issued with hotel style 'Do not disturb' notices to hang outside their cells during times of intimacy to ensure their privacy and that they aren't disturbed.

Prison Governors have been licenced to conduct Civil Partnership ceremonies. Only prisoners who have been sharing for more than 6 months will be entitled to the new beds.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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