Written by Herr Riballs
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Topics: Economy, Tooth Fairy

Friday, 8 October 2010

A big hearted six year old girl has donated her £1.00 tooth fairy money to David Cameron in a bid to revive Britain's ailing economy.

Pint sized Niamh Lewis, from Irlam, nr Manchester was horrified to learn of public sector cuts, an increase in the pension age to 100 and convicts having to work a 40 hour week.

Niamh's mother, Denise, said "Niamh's first milk tooth fell out as she was reading an article on austerity in The Times. The story played on her mind all day. When she awoke the following morning, the tooth fairy had left a pound under her pillow. Niamh decided there and then that she was going to send her pound to David Cameron to help the economy out a bit. She's only six years old and was never going to get on the X Factor and is clearly too young to date a footballer. This was our perfect chance to get in the papers and get our faces on telly."

Big society

Meanwhile, David Cameron was visibly touched at the generosity of the little girl and now plans a policy of compulsory tooth fairy donations to prop up the huge budget deficit. Mr Cameron said "Her actions just prove that we can all do our bit. Pulling together for the greater good. The Big Society in action."

Teeth

The UK has a child population of approximately 12 million, each with an average of 20 teeth. This equates to £240m extra revenue from the tooth fairy, assuming all 20 teeth fall out. The good news, however, is that unchecked immigration means there may be significantly more children in the country (and teeth) than previously estimated. And, with the UK boasting the highest teen pregnancy rates in Europe, the coffers are set to expand even further.

Chancellor George Osborne has urged parents to fast track the process of teeth falling out by recommending that children eat sugary foods and drinks and cancelling dental appointments. Mr Osborne has also encouraged mums and dads to invest in a pair of pliers to prise out any stubborn teeth that do not come out on their own.

Speech

In a trailblazing speech at the Tory conference David Cameron said "Tough decisions need to be made. We all have a collective responsibility to get out of this mess. Little Niamh embraces that spirit."

Cameron added "And To the doubters and cynics and those who sneer I say this ... Those teeth. Pull them. Spare cash. Give it me. Unwanted gold. Donate it. Saving up. Stop it. Pensions. Forget it. Pay cut. Embrace it. Redundancy. Demand it. Child benefit. Lose it."

* Niamh has since loosened her remaining 19 teeth and hopes to donate the cash in the next 2 weeks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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