Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 6 October 2010

image for Child Benefit Cuts - Crackheads In Revolt
Local Man Making The Most Of Child Benefit While It Lasts

Crackheads all over the country were last night putting their heads together with a view to starting a protest movement over the proposed axing of Child Benefit by the Con-Dem government.

Child Benefit payments are a vital constituent of 97% of Crackhead's crack revenue, and many fear that they will struggle to support their habit without the benefit payments.

"It's ridiculous," one crackhead moaned in her East London flat. "These government people are totally out of touch with reality. Do they think crack grows on trees or something? If they axe the child benefit payments I shall have to go out hitting elderly folks over the head with an iron bar in order to fund my habit. Then where will we be?"

And it isn't just the crackheads who are up in arms. Alcoholics also fear that they'll feel the pinch, with one complaining that the benefit pays for eight cans of Special Brew a day, and saying that he would be forced to go out shoplifting in order to make up the shortfall.

Skoob News also spoke to a smackhead, but he was ripped to the tits and couldn't string a coherent sentence together.

We also managed to speak to some schoolkids who didn't appear to be remotely concerned about the withdrawal of child benefit because they never see a penny of the money anyway.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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