Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Topics: Navy, Ann Widdecombe

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

image for Royal Navy to get Ann Widdecombe's g-string
One of the UK's state-of-the-art aircraft carriers

After making a brief appearance on Strictly Come Dancing, Ann Widdecombe's g-string has been requisitioned by the Ministry of Defence and is being dispatched to the Royal Navy dockyards in Rosyth, Scotland.

Prior to dispatch, the g-string is being transported by low loader to the laundry at Guy's Hospital in London, where it will be sandblasted and then boil washed in one of the 3,000 litre capacity industrial washing machines. Following this, it will be dried in a wind tunnel at the Defence Research Establishment in Surrey. Once sanitised, the g-string will be transported, under police and SAS escort, to Rosyth naval base.

Rear Admiral Jeremy Hornblower RN said "We have two aircraft carriers under construction here at the moment. With the current round of defence spending cuts, we are finding it increasingly difficult to remain within budget. When it arrives, Ms Widdecombe's g-string will be cut into two equal parts, with each being slung across the deck of a carrier and then secured by our welders. Once in place, the g-string will provide the vital drag line which our aircraft hook onto when landing, ensuring they don't end up in the drink".

A Royal Navy pilot, Commander Duncan Pinchbum, said "The chaps can't wait to get into Ms Widdecombe's underwear".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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