Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 11 September 2010

image for Local Man In Giant Rabbit Horror Shocker In Late Night Garage En Route To Collecting Chinese Takeaway
That's Him! Except His Was Bigger!

For most sensible individuals, 9/11 is a day for contemplation, in respect for the feelings of the loved ones of the unfortunate victims of the 2001 outrage.

For Martin Shuttlecock, 23, and dashingly handsome in a rakish kind of way, (Complete fabrication) it is also his long suffering wife Anne's birthday. He had initially invited her out for a meal, but after a hard day of scrubbing floors and washing up, she was forced to retire for a nap in the early evening.

Upon awakening, she said that she would prefer to chill out watching telly, with the X-Factor and last Night Of The Proms, with a takeaway and a carry out.

Shuttlecock was instantly amenable to this suggestion, apart from the TV viewing menu, but reasoned that at least he'd be able to watch that dodgy Piranha DVD once she'd buggered off to bed.

So Shuttlecock and his lovely wife set out to collect the Chinese takeaway, stopping en route at a local garage to pick up essential supplies of diet coke. (Not another 8 cans of Stella Artois, as has been inaccurately reported in certain circles.)

Which is where the giant rabbit horror kicked in.

As Shuttlecock approached the counter with his Diet Coke (NOT STELLA ARTOIS) he was astounded to see a Pikey type, ill dressed, and slightly malodorous, along with partner, child, and a FUCKING HUGE RABBIT draped across his shoulder.

What the fuck is that all about? Shuttlecock mused, wondering if it was some kind of Watership Down based rabbit conspiracy bent on global domination.

A shattered Shuttlecock looked on in amazement as the Pikey and his rag tag mob left the garage, and thinking himself quite the bon vivant since a correspondence course he subscribed to, presided over by Colonel Juan, quipped to the check-out girl:

"One karate chop on the back of the neck, a Stanley knife for skinning, some carrots, onions, spuds, garlic and peppers, with a bit of seasoning, pop that fucker in the pan, and I'm in heaven."

The check out girl did not laugh. Did not even raise a smile.

"Or," added Shuttlecock in increasing desperation, as his comedic attempts fell on deaf ears. "Is his intention to provoke one into saying, 'Wow, that's a big one?'"

Nothing.

Fuck it, thought Shuttlecock and went to collect the takeaway.

En route, Martin and Anne drove past the Pikey with his giant rabbit hugged to his chest. Strangely - they appeared to be heading towards the Chinese takeaway too.

Anne enjoyed her portion of Chicken Chow Mein, and said that she could tell it wasn't rabbit, because rabbits don't yield white meat.

And besides, the Pikey hadn't arrived at the takeaway yet.

Martin Shuttlecock had several sips of Diet Coke before attempting to track down a Bugs Bunny cartoon on the Cartoon Network.

As we speak, he's having nightmares.

About giant man-eating bunny wabbits.

Allegedly.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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