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Friday, 3 September 2010

image for Tony Blair Book - The 'Missing' Chapter
Blair - Sobbed Like A Baby When Newcastle Got Relegated

SEN reporter Buffty Ginslinger, speaking from a den of Soho iniquity, swigging a large G&T and puffing on a Marlboro Lite in defiance of the smoking ban, informed Skoob Entertainment News that there remains in existence, a chapter from Tony Blair's autobiography which the ex-PM penned whilst lagered up from a heavy night on the piss at The Swan pub, by Stockwell tube station, where Charles De Menezes was shot dead by the Met Police.

"He let it all go in that chapter," Ginslinger told us. "He went down The Swan because he was pissed off with PM'ing and he fancied a pint or six with the lads."

According to Ginslinger, the PM took a taxi back to Downing Street and penned the only worthwhile thing he ever wrote in his life, whilst as pissed as a rat.

The content, deemed unfit for publication, was consigned to a shredder, but not before one of Buffty Ginslinger's boys on the job recognised and memorised the full transcript.

According to Buffty's boy, the notes referred to Osama Bin Laden as 'a bearded batty boy who has an unrivalled talent for hiding in caves' and referred to the Al Qaeda leader as 'a bearded batty boy sheep shagger.'

George W Bush, the then President of the United States of America was referred to as having 'one eye in the middle of his forehead,' and a 'brain dead fuckwit.'

On Doctor David Kelly, Blair allegedlly opined: "He was a frigging idiot, but we didn't kill him. MI6 couldn't find him. MI6 can never find anybody - nothing new there - unless they turn up brown bread in a suitcase in a bathtub somewhere. They'll find them then, because they didn't submit a sick note. After a couple of weeks. Or so."

On the WMD allegations in Iraq, according to Ginslinger's boy, Blair commented:

"Who gives a fuck anyway? That wanker Saddam had it coming. He was a proper cock end. I damn near laughed me bollocks off when they hung the hole dwelling Tikrit bastard. "That'll teach him," I thought.

On former IRA chief, Gerry Adams, Mr Blair expressed surprise that Gerry wasn't overly fond of lager (unlike most Irishmen) and that he seemed a nice chap, and not the sort to leave car bombs lying around.

The greatest revelation in the missing chapter however, concerned former PM Margaret Thatcher:

"I saw her, and remembered the internet porn footage of her with John Major and Edwina Curry. Gave me such a throbbing stiffy that I had to walk in a sort of hunched over crouch so it wouldn't show."

He allegedly wrote in a dream one night.

More as we get it.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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