Written by Jeremy Paxman
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Friday, 27 August 2010

image for Jails Minister Crispin Blunt Reveals He's Gay, Leaves Wife & Heads for Prison Showers
Crispin Blunt's New Gay Bachelor Pad

Although not exactly a big surprise given his name (99% of public school toffs with twats names like Crispin, Tarquin etc. are surely gay), a medium surprise given the fact he was educated at Sandhurst Military School or indeed even a tiny little surprise given his ultimate career choice (most MP's are clearly closet homosexuals); Conservative Prisons Minister, Crispin Blunt, has revealed he is gay and that he is trying to come to terms with his rampant lust for male cock. Crispin, Member of Parliament for the Reigate constituency in Surrey, has left his wife and two children with immediate effect in pursuit of anal loving although he states "this is a private matter".

Or is it just a matter of privates?

Anyway, with a whiff of lavender wafting gently behind him, Crispin Blunt immediately declared that as a gay Prisons Minister, he was very much looking forward to spending more time with lots of buff male inmates and is eagerly anticipating his next inspection of the gyms and male showers at his local jailhouse at his earliest (mens) convenience.

In the cabinet, he immediately had a run in with the Liberal's own leading rentboy afficianado, Simon Hughes, which turned into a full blown handbag fight after Crispin was found screeching loudly at today's cabinet meeting that "I'm the biggest gay in the cabinet". Simon Hughes reportedly wrestled him to the floor but no-one else was quite sure how a tube of lube and a large quantity of baby oil and poppers became involved. "There were cocks everywhere" said one minister, "I haven't seen that much fisting or felching since election night" said another.

In his capacity as Prisons Minister, Crispin Blunt now plans to change all prison uniforms pink, make inmates listen to KD Lang albums during recreation and change the British flag hung outside all prisons to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender 'Rainbow' flag. Prison Officers have already threatened strike action after being told they will soon be made to wear leather hotpants.

Many commentators will surely find it ironic that Blunt's voting record in Parliament had previously been highly unsympathetic towards gay rights. What's good for the goose is good for the gander though and the now single Crispin must surely plan on plenty of goosing over the coming months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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