Written by Jeremy Paxman
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Tuesday, 24 August 2010

image for David & Samantha Cameron Give Birth to Baby Thatcher
First Pictures of The Cameron's New Baby Thatcher

Prime Minister David Cameron has said he and his wife Samantha Cameron are "absolutely thrilled" that their fourth child, a Thatcher, has been born during their holiday in Truro.

Conservative chiefs have been masterminding a secret eugenics programme for 9 months behind the scenes to combine Thatcher's DNA with the Cameron's own DNA and have been delighted with the offspring which weighed in at 12 stone and had a full head of flame red hair.

The new baby - yet to be named but likely to be called Maggie Iron Lady Milk Snatcher Cameron - has already declared war on Argentina, told President Obama to shove the oil spill "up his skinny black arse" and deported Arthur Scargill to join the trapped miners in Chile. It has also taken away its own milk.

The Press Office at Downing Street has confirmed that Nick Clegg was indeed present at the birth and that he had subsequently took the afterbirth home for his tea.

Labour leadership rival Ed Balls called the new baby a "twat" and stated that the child was "further proof that the Tories under David Cameron have too much time on their hands". Diane Abbott, Labour Leadership outsider and Harriet Harman, acting Labour Leader issued a joint statement viciously complaining that the baby was a white British hetrosexual and demanded an explanation for why the Cameron's could not have given birth to a black, disabled, transgender Palestinian. "It's a typically elitist and caucasian baby" said Harman, "it's a disgrace that our Prime Minister does not see fit to bring a more diverse child into the world, yet again the Conservatives prove themselves to be out of touch".

There have also been reports that John Prescott has tried to eat the baby. Buckingham Palace issued a statement congratulating the Cameron's on "their new oik".

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