Written by Jeremy Paxman
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Sunday, 15 August 2010

image for Steven Gerrard Issues Super Injunction
We're not allowed to say what this is

Lawyers acting for beleaguered love rat Steven Gerrard have this weekend issues a so-called 'super injunction' against all UK newspapers and media outlets.

Since The Spoof were not served with said injunction, we can exclusively reveal who has served the injunction and why...

As previously reported, England and Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard is behind the injunction but what exactly is it for?

Well, apparantly, Gerrard is distressed that Peter Crouch has taken all the steam away from his own infidelity and has thus issued an injunction to prevent further females who have shagged Peter Crouch from releasing their stories. He has also issued injunctions against every pregnant woman in the country to prevent the possibility of ANY stories appearing in the newspaper about anyone fathering children, especially those spawned as a result of an affair.

Furthermore, it can exclusively be revealed that Gerrard has issued inunctions against ANYONE staying in a hotel at the moment to prevent the reportage of any males who are staying in such accommodation outside of the family home.

Further furthermore, Gerrard has issued injunctions against everyone with the name Ronnie or Wheelan for reasons we are as yet confounded by - especially since he has issued injunctions against anyone in the UK using the words "pregnant daughter of".

Gerrard had this to say after the one all draw with Arsenal:

"F*** **f, * ***'* ***** **** y** **** *** ***** ** t***'s"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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