Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 3 August 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Sea View Hotel gets a third star!
Madam Bagnio will ensure an enjoyable stay

Madam Bagnio, 58, owner of Bawdy House Bed and Breakfast in Sea View is overjoyed today after the Isle of Wight Tourist Board awarded her hotel three stars this week.

The extra star makes all the difference to Madam Bagnio, as it puts Bawdy House as the foremost rated hotel on the Isle of Wight.

"I'm overjoyed," said Madam Bagnio. "My girls and I try to offer the best stay in the Isle of Wight and this extra star shows that we have accomplished that."

Bawdy House has recently been completely refitted, including a sensational red door theme to all the rooms.

"We have put a sink in every room," said Madam Bagnio. "Along with the laundry service we offer all our guests and the colour television in the main lounge we think that what we offer our guests cannot be located anywhere else on the island. I like to think that all our guests leave Bawdy House extremely satisfied with their stay, however brief."

Herbert Sinkhole is responsible for awarding stars to hotels and restaurants on the island, and he was gushing at the memory of his stay at Bawdy House.

"I did not tell them who I was, and yet the welcome was warm and welcoming. I was met by Madam Bagnio herself, and she told me that all the staff were bilingual, except Twinkle, who is cunnilingual, and would do whatever it took to make my stay pleasurable. The room I stayed in was a little French Boudoir for my personal taste what with the red lighting, but I could see the care and attention to detail. What swung it for me was the extensive room service menu."

Sinkhole admitted that although they had misspelled "Brother" on the room service menu, he could have easily given the place five stars [and if you think the B&B's worth it, you can vote below by clicking the fifth star from the left], but Madam Bagnio said that this would look suspicious.

"I'm not altogether sure what she meant by that," admitted Sinkhole. "However, a parlour where they do massages is a unique feature!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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