Written by Inchcock
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Topics: MPs, Expenses

Sunday, 1 August 2010

image for New Savings on Police Service Announced
Green Paper to be further discussed

The Rt Hon George Osborne MP, Chancellor of the Exchequer's Third Private Secretary's, Secretary, Gaylord Hobnob, has revealed some of the plans in the Green Paper, for the reduction in costs of the Police Service in the United Kingdom.

"The outsourcing of many current police duties, can, and will save the taxpayer [memories of Ken and Barbara Follett: the millionaire Tourism minister falsely claimed £25,411.64 - Despite 23 of the Government's 29 cabinet ministers being millionaires, almost all of them demand that the taxpayers pay for their houses and private living expenses (even down to dog food) - In March 2009 Mr Hague claimed £61,995 in taxpayers' cash to help pay for a £1 million second home in London. The penthouse in question was purchased in 2003 for £685,000 - David Laws had been claiming for the rent on a room in his partner's house. The expenses were said to total £40,000, and many others] a lot of money.

We have in this country, a wealth of suitable, and cheaper alternatives to use, in lessening the pressure and cost of our Police Service.

* The Boy Scouts - Very cheap, and reliable too.
* Private Security Companies - Not reliable, but cheap as they come.
* The WVS - Many duties can be passed on to them - cheaply.
* The Samaritans = They can widen their remit - again cheaply.
* St Johns Ambulance - Costs, but not as much as the Ambulance Service does.
* Oxfam - They could supply cheaper uniforms for the Police Service.
* Barnardo's UK - Could offer accommodation to undercover police officers.
* Age Concern UK - They could find retired Emergency Service Officers for use on an ad-hoc basis.
* Alcoholics Anonymous - Could offer free advice to Emergency Services personnel, and Government Ministers.
* The PDSA - Could help maintain the health of Police Dogs.
* The Unemployed - We could find many things for them to do, and no charge at all!

The Green Paper is expected to be discussed by Ministers and their minions on the 23rd of August, at the annual 'Uncaught Fiddlers Association' lunch, in Mr Hague's expenses claimed for Penthouse rooftop garden.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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