Written by IainB
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Monday, 26 July 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Druid Half-Soltice Passes Without Incident
Druids celebrate the sunrise

Since records began in 1978, Druids have congregated at the Camp Hill standing stones to celebrate the Half-Solstice. This archaic and mystic rite attracts druids from as far away as Ryde to perform their esoteric rituals as the sun rises over Camp Hill's twin rock towers, Castle Rock and Camp Rock.

In previous years there have been serious clashes with Newport Police drafted in to ensure that the event passes off peacefully. With the police Land Rover in Harry's MoT and Garage, Newport, for their famous £99 Servicing deal, the Newport police were unable to get across to assist Camp Hill police with anti-riot assistance, leading many local residents to worry that the trouble might escalate without any control.

"They ran riot down Front Street," said local resident Len Thenbredth, 64, "we we'e feared for our lives last year. They knocked down Mrs Thristlwatts rhododendron and threw a garden gnome through the butcher's window last year."

It appears that without the police turning up in riot gear with tear gas and tasers that the Druids are more peaceful.

"There were barely any trouble this time around," said Len. "Granted their music were a bit loud, but they were up at the Standing Stone, so it weren't too bad down here. I might even pop along next year, they had Motley Crü performing at this year's ritual."

Local Druid, Ivy Headband, 34, formerly of the parish of Camblewick on the mainland, suggests that the police should take note in future years.

"We've been attending the rising of the sun at the Standing Stone of Camp Hill for as long as I can remember, man and boy," said Headband. "We played a little music and did the sunrise dance to make the sun rise, and once it did, we all went to bed."

Newport Police Inspector, Jill Dando, was unavailable for comment as she was at Harry's MoT and Garage querying how a £99 service could cost £349.99.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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