Written by Lady Godiva
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Topics: Drugs, Old People

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Elderly people tracking down drug dealers with high tech equipment
Ernie Timmins, head of pensioners surveillance group

"A group of elderly people who are frustrated by the police's inability to tackle local drug dealers have equipped themselves with high-tech gadgets and begun a surveillance operation to stop them."

So reads a headline in an onsite newspaper today.

It appears that pensioners are fed up with the police not doing their job properly that they have formed a group and are connected via a special website.

Some walk the streets at night with high tech. night vision binoculars and mobile phones. They phone any suspicious activities to their headquarters and younger, fitter pensioners are deployed to make citizens arrests.

Some old dears who are housebound, work in shifts, twitching lace curtains and taking photos and video clips of suspicious activity outside their homes.

Zimmer frames have been especially fitted with cushioned feet so that the pensioners can move quietly through the night.

Members of this 'elite' group age between 65 and 93. There is one young member, aged 27, who they have 'on board' for all the technical stuff.

So far, no reports have brought any arrests, but it's early days for the group.

Morrisons have a sale on - today only - melted ice-cream ten pence a carton - bring your own plastic containers please.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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