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Friday, 2 July 2010

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Rasp, 30, loved to dress up

Gay TV star, Tarquin Rasp, has been the unfortunate victim of a bizarre set of coincidental events, which have ultimately led to his death.

The star, who recently attended Elton John's fourteenth birthday barbecue of the year dressed as Attilla the Hun, has presented day time TV shows Old Stuff in the Garage, Homes Over the Sea and The Bastards Ripped Me Off.

The bizarre set of events unfolded in the star's bedroom, where he was trying on a pair of stockings and suspenders, which were to be a gift for his sister in law.

Whilst still wearing the lingerie items, Rasp, 30, began preparing a fruit salad, at this point he noticed his trouser belt was caught on his light fitting. He placed a satsuma, which was going to form part of his fruit salad, in his mouth, climbed on a stool and attempted to dislodge the belt from his light fitting.

Unfortunately the stool slipped from under him, as he fell the belt became lodged around his neck, the force of the fall caused the belt tighten round his throat, he died instantly.

In a further bizarre twist, the pressure of the belt caused the TV star's blood to rush to his penis causing an erection to form.

The star was found just minutes later by his flat mate Antony Cotton, who plays Corrie tough guy Sean Tully.

Former paratrooper, Tully, said, "I had just finished fixing the carberetta on my Mitsubishi Lancer and had gone upstairs to wash my hands, when I noticed Tarquin's body through a gap in his bedroom door." He went on, "...I was shocked to see his lifeless body hanging from the ceiling, I saw the satsuma in his mouth, and thought that was so Tarquin, he was always preparing fruit salads in his bedroom".

Tully went on to explain that as Tarquin had a similar build to his sister in law, he would often try on clothes on her behalf. "Tarquin would see the funny side of having been found in just a pair of stockings and suspenders, if it wasn't quite so tragic...he loved dressing up."

The star's family are said to be devasted by the tragic and unfortunate accident.

Judge's verdict: accidental death

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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