Written by Jimbo123
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Topics: Police

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

image for Police dogs to replace Community Officers
"We're not in, you'll have to deal with it."

An audit of West Mercia police has discovered that out of a workforce of over 4000 there may be as little as zero police on active duty at any one time.

The national audit commission made a surprise visit to the Hindlip Hall HQ in Worcester last Friday and discovered that duty beat officers PCs Felix and Fru-Fru were in fact police dogs - playing in a nearby farm.

Whilst some of the remaining staff could not be accused of idleness, the government has questioned whether 'drift' racing police cars or playing squash in empty prison cells was an efficient use of public money.

One senior officer explained - "Policing isn't about arresting people anymore, it's teaching people to look after themselves and reaching out to the community - which is where a lot of our staff work."

However critics are questioning whether 'caring' in the community doesn't in fact mean bunking off.

This revelation is just the latest grim discovery as the incoming government gets to grips with the bizarre world of public services.

Last week they visited Sheffield Royal Infirmary to find that 2 of the operating theatres had been converted into a crazy golf course.

Police dogs meanwhile are being rolled out as 'vigilant' Community 'Petty' Officers (CPOs) but they do not yet have regular police powers of search and arrest. Neighbourhood Watch groups described the move as 'barking'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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