London-March 27. Friends, family, and ex-financial advisors have all repeatedly asked Prince Charles to sign a pre-nuptial agreement prior to his marriage to Camilla Parker-Bowles. "I will not sign any bloody pre-nuptial' agreement," said Charles, as he enjoyed a pint of his favorite in the bar below his flat on Alderney Street. "Now why don't you all just piss off."
In behavior very unbecoming of a man of his social stature, the Prince then tried to pick up a young lady bar patron. "Cor blimey babe! How'd you like a little Aussie kiss from your bonny Prince Charlie?"
"The reality of the situation is that Charles was taken to the cleaners by Diana," said Dick Fitzwelle, the financial advisor sacked by Charles soon after the divorce from Diana became final. "Prior to his marriage to Diana, I implored him. Sign a pre-nup'. But he wouldn't listen. He kept going on about how marriages were based on trust' and that a pre-nuptial was completely and utterly unnecessary.
"In the end, we had to sell all of his holdings. First, there were all his shares in BCCI, which, unfortunately, was scandalized just prior to the time we needed to sell. I think we realized a loss on those.
"Secondly, if memory serves, there were about a million shares in what was essentially a mutual fund managed by the late Robert Maxwell. Unfortunately, Mr. Maxwell had drowned by that time, and the share price dropped precipitously.
"Charles had an enormous pig farm in Northumberland which went on the market about the same time as the foot and mouth disease broke out. It became necessary to sell at a rather large discount.
"So, through no fault of his own, I'm afraid the Prince was utterly ruined. It was all Diana's fault."
Charles sole remaining asset is his country estate, Highgrove. The value is estimated at just under $10 million dollars. In addition, Charles received just over $400,000 worth of farm subsidies from the government last year alone.
In order to settle his divorce from Diana, the Heir to the throne was forced to borrow money from his mother Queen Elizabeth 2nd. "I told mummy that I would pay her back after I became King," said Charles. "She's such an old lemon curd."