As exclusively predicted in these columns hours ago, England manager, Mafia Boss Fabio Capello has hit back at England ex-captain and sex symbol John Terry.
Terry, exhibiting the anticipated black eye, declared he was sorry for speaking out against the manager. He nursed his lip as he said quietly: 'Capello is Boss around here'.
Betting on the result of Round 3 of this Heavyweight boxing contest is enormous. A huge bet from Scottish Clan leader Alex Salmond has been made on both fighters being knocked out in the third round.
But in an effort to ease the pressure on the Pound and ease the British economy, England star Mickey Rooney declared; 'I'm not saying anything, but we will have no French Revolution here!'
An England player, who did not want to be named because he fears he would never play in goal for England again if his views were known, confessed to our reporter today: 'The truth is nobody can understand a word Fabio says.'
David Cameron has put out a secret edict that, in the event of England not qualifying for the next round of the World Cup, Fabio Capello would be deported due to his failure to master the English language.
The French, meanwhile, are facing their Waterloo amid fierce skirmishes. Unfortunately for them they are not against their opponents on the football field. Clearly, their manager's job will be vacant shortly.
Current favourite for the job is Madame Marie Antoinette Sakorsky, although former Notts County manager, Sven Goran Erickson is also in the frame.
Sven, who once took England to a victory and has a high reputation in Africa would certainly have a calming influence on the French team.
Nonetheless, the enticing prospect of Mme Sakorsky against England favourite Fergie is beginning to excite the Fashion World. Fergie, dubbed 'The Queen of Footie' by the Queen, is thought to be no match for the French diva but she is a plucky one. 'Women are blasting through the glass ceiling!' she exclaimed 'you will see great movement under my management. I don't care if Marie Antoinette eats bread, brioche or cake I will make sure she is for the chop.'