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Sunday, 20 June 2010

image for Summer Solstice Shocker As BP Logo Crop Circle Manifests on Palace Lawn
Crude mess: an ominous summer solstice omen for the monarchy?

London - (Portents): A turf war between Buckingham Palace moles bunkered deep beneath the royal lawn is suspected of being behind the latest grassy etching.

The BP logo-themed crop circle appeared hours ahead of Monday's 11.28GMT solar ingress as frantic Palace auditors fought to shore up massive royal pension fund losses.

These have mushroomed out of control ever since last year's solstice Grim Reaper lawn etching prompted a drastic new financial recovery plan.

This saw the secret exhumation of (mostly) dead royals buried in Windsor Mausoleum in Frogmore and the systematic extraction of their 'unwanted' gold dental crowns.

Police surveillance sources hinted today that these were then sold privately via dodgy TV bullion websites such as PostalGoldDotCon before being reinvested in the beleaguered supermajor's shares.

News of impending BP losses saw Queen Elizabeth blow her last Hellfire Club ten grand hush money on a string of also-ran losers at Royal Ascot this week.

HM is now teetering on the verge of Chapter 11 bankruptcy as hordes of London pawnbrokers demand the settlement of thousands of IOUs secured on replica crown jewels and fake artworks.

CIA-related reports say a UK Treasury euthanasia support team may be smuggled intp the Palace before dawn on Monday as the sun's solstice rays hit BP's No 1 St James's Square headquarters.

Joanna Lumley is Prince Philip's daughter.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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