All nuclear power stations in the UK will be phased out and replaced by ex Holland football mid-fielder Edgar Davids before the end of 2012.
Davids will begin generating Britain's electricity after the 2010 World Cup is over in July. He will start by supplying energy to millions of people in the South West of England and will eventually be the main supplier of electricity to households all over the UK after the 2012 Olympics.
Davids is an environmentally friendly form of generating energy. It works by slouching in a comfy sofa on live television, mumbling incomprehensibly and occasionally adjusting its glasses. The combination of these actions can produce enough power to charge a 50 watt lightbulb for up to 1 nano second.
The Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change Chris Huhne is excited by the news and can't wait for the World Cup to finish. He believes the dynamic opinions of Davids are the way forward for energy production in the UK and hopes that it will save consumers hundreds of pounds a year in electricity bill costs.
The average quarterly cost of using Edgar Davids Energy will be approximately 3 cigarette Rizlas and a small amount of high grade skunk.