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Wednesday, 2 June 2010

image for "Please stand clear of the doors or everyone will drown."
Boris - "It's beautiful down there."

Boris Johnson has promised to cheer up commuters with a Victoria Line extension that will rival Thorpe Park for thrills and spills.

Brixton to Loughborough Junction will be like any other tube journey, however between Loughbrough Juction and Camberwell the train will plummet deep underground, picking up speed to 120mph, before launching vertically towards the surface in a move that rollercoaster enthusiasts call 'speedballing'.

Derek Pitcher of Alton Towers explained - "At the start of the manoeuvre the body experiences incredible g-forces and then amazing weightlessness at the top. It's wonderful - like inhaling gasoline."

TFL said that trains will be 'all-seaters' for obvious reasons and that rail replacement buses will run above ground for the elderly and less adventurous.

Also since 'height restrictions' will apply to this section of the line, Johnson has promised an 'aquarium section' for all the family between Camberwell and New Cross.

He commented "Part of the Medway runs underground near Peckham. It's beautiful down there - I've seen Albino Catfish and transparent spider crabs."

Passengers departing for the aquarium will recieve a special recorded message "Please stand clear of the doors or everyone will drown."

Oyster tickets are valid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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