Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 12 May 2010

image for The Michael Jackson Tapes - Jacko Feared Cameron Would Make Him Defence Minister
Is This The Jackson Tape? Dippy Thong Thinks So.

The late 'King of Pop' Michael Jackson was reportedly paranoid that should David Cameron ever be elected Prime Minister, he would be railroaded into becoming Minister of Defence by a coalition government.

So states a tape recording made public this morning in London by underground magazine editor Dippy Thong. On the tape, Jackson can be heard describing with amazing prescience that he feared a hung parliament, and that an alliance between the Conservatives and the Lib-Dems would inevitably lead to his being appointed Minister of Defence in a coalition government.

"That Cameron guy," the voice on the tape can be heard saying. "He scares me. I think he's 'Camorra' - a Neapolitan mafia godfather. And I just know he's going to appoint me Minister of Defence. It's because of the military uniforms I used to wear in my shows. The guy thinks I'm some kind of general. He's crazy..."

The tape recordings, made a little over two years ago, according to Dippy Thong, went on with Jackson expressing fears that in his government capacity, he would probably be expected to declare war on Bolivia and Nepal, for no apparent reason. The voice then breaks down into tearful sobbing, before going on to say:

"Don't get me wrong here Dippy, I'd love to be able to have fighter jets, aircraft carriers, tanks and all that stuff to play with, but I wouldn't really know what to do with 'em. And why Bolivia and Nepal? What did they ever do to David Cameron? Or Great Britain for that matter? Shit, man - I don't even know where these places are!"

The tape ends with the voice asking if anybody has any spare Propofol.

Dippy Thong swears that the tape is genuine, and that Joe Jackson has plans to release it in a CD box set.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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