Written by Tragic Rabbit
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Wednesday, 12 May 2010

image for Cameron Diaz is UK's new prime minister
Cameron Diaz's previous deputy and co-star, Shrek, resident of the Land of Far Far Away.

Startling left-turn in this week's news from Downing Street: one of Hollywood's most glamourous stars, Cameron Diaz, is now the UK's new prime minister, following the resignation of Gordon Brown.

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg will be her deputy after formation of the UK's first coalition, cross-Atlantic government.

Ms Cameron, who at 37 is the youngest PM in nearly 200 years, vowed to set aside citizenship differences and govern "in the UK's national interest".

Mr Clegg said he acknowledged some Lib Dem voters would have doubts about the deal but urged them to "keep the faith".

Ms Cameron's Conservative adherents won the most seats in the general election last week, but not enough to secure an overall Commons majority, resulting in the first well-hung Parliament in British history, though the actual hanging of MPs has always been popular with voters.

Following hours of talks with Ms Cameron's agent and her new publicists, the Conservative Party, on Tuesday, the Lib Dem parliamentary party and its federal executive endorsed the coalition agreement by the required three-quarters majority at a meeting that broke up just after a midnight booze-up at the nearby pub.

Speaking minutes later, Mr Clegg said: "I hope this is the start of the new politics I have always believed in - diverse, confusing, nonsensical and benighted, where politicians and performers of different persuasions come together and deliver the goods for the sake of the whole country."

He acknowledged there would be problems, "glitches" and probable decades-long legal challenges, in a message to Lib Dem voters, he added: "I can imagine this evening you'll be having many questions, and maybe many doubts about my grasp of reality, regarding this new governing arrangement.

"But I want to assure you that I wouldn't have entered into this agreement unless I was genuinely convinced that it offers a really, really unique opportunity to deliver the kind of changes you and I believe in.

"So I hope you'll keep faith with us, I hope you will let us prove to you that Cameron and I can serve you and this country with humility, with fairness at the heart of everything we do, with a minimum of short skirts but maximum of cleavage and with total dedication to the interests and livelihoods of everyone in Great Britain."

Ms Diaz's legendary legs, piercing blue eyes and blond locks had absolutely nothing to do with Mr Clegg's decision, insist Lib Dem spokesmen.

Whether her high box office appeal or bank account factored in the decision remains an open and strangely disturbing question.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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