Underwhelming turnout for 2010 General Election

Early indications suggest that this will be a record turnout for the 2010 election. An apathetic record.

Polls Watchdog, X-marks-the-spotCom, say early indications are that less than 1% of the electorate will turn out today.

Watchdog spokespersonnage, Ann L. Ize, told The Spoof, "In our three key constituencies we are seeing what can only be described as a pathetic to non-existant turnout. In fact, four hours after the polls opened only four people have turned up."

"In the Labour heartlands of Liverpool Riverside, for example, they have only had one person through the door. But according to my sources there this was a gentleman, clearly worse for wear, who came in demanding a Big Mac, Large Fries and a Coke. When he found out it wasn't McDonalds he flung his can of Kestrel Super at the staff and proceeded to be sick in one of the booths."

In the Home Counties, traditionally a Tory certainty, things are much the same. Chichester have had two old ladies and a man described as "schizophrenic" through their doors, although the man was apprehended by police as he left as he was claiming to be Boris Johnson and shouting that he only wanted some L'Oreal Hair dye.

So far the Liberal Democrats have failed to register one vote. Indications here are that they're unhappy with the system and will simply wait until Proportional Representation is law.