Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Cheryl Cole, Diet

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

image for Bloody diet gave me piles says Cheryl Colon
Piling on the £££s at a photoshoot today

London - (Blood Sucker Mess): "Yeah, really piled on the £££s," the singer has told Halo! magazine amid reports she is being paid to promote the Bloody Hype Diet.

"Of course, avoiding food also helps!" Cheryl chuckled showing off the size zero ass some reckon is nothing more than a cheek-slumper's implant.

The Cole interview lavishes praise on Peter D'Adamo's naturopathetic regime, said to have helped the entertainer shed some of estranged husband Ashley's sleazy tabloid headlines.

Not everyone is convinced, however.

Royal Freak Hospital dieticians commented today that her O-negative blood type probably makes Cheryl a sitting duck for most kinds of diet quackery.

"Quickest way to lose a few pounds? Try leeches or some other bloodsuckers," the hospital's head of dietary regime change advised.

Cheryl hopes her new svelte figures will help launch her own range of dietary supplements in the future starting with the Cheryl Colon Credit Card - great for bingeing out on vegan titbits (or cutting a line of coke over the bathroom scales).

Simon Cowell is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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