Written by Earl Grey
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Sunday, 25 April 2010

image for Topless Fire Eater Was Once Liberal Democrat
Simon Cowell, left, and Piers Morgan

The topless fire eater who so impressed Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan on Britain's Got Talent has a terrible secret. She was once a Liberal Democrat and attended some of their conferences.

Exotic dancer Tia Brodie made it through to the next round of the talent show following her performance. Simon Cowell said "I'm not too interested in the fire eating but I liked her tits", whilst Piers Morgan just sat there dribbling and rolling his eyes.

Miss Brodie was a member of the Liberal Democrats for nine years and during that time she took part in canvassing, leafleting and even attended conferences. Vivienne Prude, of Media Watchdogs said "This is shocking news. seeing a semi naked woman cavorting is all very well, but when she used to be a Liberal Democrat? I don't think this is the sort of person who should be on television."

Miss Brodie left school with eight GCSEs and two A Levels. She had intended to appear in pornographic movies, but instead she found herself in the Liberal Democrats. She said "I stopped all my work as a Liberal Democrat in 2008. I met a guy I really liked. Well, look at it like this, would you want to go with a Lib Dem?"

Miss Brodie hopes people will look at her act as it is now and not condemn her for her past. However, she has not totally shaken off her past. Asked what the Queen would make of her if she won, Brodie replied "Actually, I think the monarchy should be abolished and a written constitution adopted. I'd like to see proportional representation for all elections and a directly elected second chamber." She should keep quiet about this if she wants to win.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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