A London born man has been detained by police indefinitely for pissing on someone's chips.
Mr Walken-Cleeshay, who as every schoolboy knows is as old as Methuselah, committed the lewd act and subsequently had his collar felt, after coming to loggerheads with a Mr Common Frase.
"I don't wanna give the dog a bad name," said Detective Kwote, "but this guy had the gift of the gab. A real man of the world, only he'd talk the hind legs off a donkey."
The bun fight started when Walken-Cleeshay entered a cafe in central London. Frase was already seated eating cold turkey.
Len Saying, cafe owner, told us "the old warhorse came marching in, like the cock of the ball, thinkin' he was the cats whiskers. Well thats not the law of the jungle 'round here, see? Old Frase was fit to bust, but Walken-Cleeshay just grinned like a Cheshire cat."
"That was it, all Hell broke loose and Frase was going at 'im Hell for leather, going great guns" Saying continued, "he had a real gung-ho attitude, but Cleeshay was taken aback. There was lots of gnashing of teeth and spit and sawdust on the floor. Then, by the skin of his teeth, Cleeshay managed to knuckle down and gave Frase the whole nine yards."
"Well it was all over, bar the shouting. Frase must of gone back to the drawing board and decided not to gild the lilly, just struck a blow that knocked Cleeshay into next week!" Saying finished.
Detective Kwote said "at this point we think Cleeshay had gone to hell in a handbasket, we figure he just gave up the ghost. That is until Frase sat back down. It would appear Mr Walken-Cleeshay then rose from the dead and struck a last gasp effort, by pissing on his chips."
"Frase was at sixes and sevens, back to square one really," Kwote continued, "like a red rag to a bull, Frase had a few tricks left up his sleeve but the ball was firmly in his court! He did the only thing you can do when you're up the creek without a paddle, he called the old bill."
Walken-Cleeshay was detained and Common Frase was released without charge. "They were lucky to come out alive and kicking," said cafe owner Saying, "it really goes against the grain to openly fight in a cafe, like bull's in a china shop it was! I'm just glad the rozzers grasped the nettle and didn't go off half cocked!"
"All in a day's work." said Detective Kwote.
More as we get hit.