Written by Earl Grey
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Monday, 12 April 2010

image for Wayne Rooney Joins Cabinet
A Cabinet meeting

Wayne Rooney has been invited to join the cabinet by Prime Minister Gordon Brown. If he accepts he will become yet another unelected member of the current administration.

Rooney has shown excellent skill on the football pitch, but he normally prefers a more central position. How he copes playing on the left is something England manager Fabio Capello is concerned about. "Rooney eez a striker. I theenk eet eez very brave for the Prime Minister to appoint a striker. Normally they want to avoid strikers."

If Rooney regains fitness in time he could make the bench for the next big game. He is expected to take up a position alongside Alistair Darling. But, when you've been taking up a position alongside Emille Heskey, you can play alongside anyone.

Gordon Brown is determined to get the best starting line up he can for the big match against the Conservatives. "If I can link myself to as many celebrities as possible then the British public will forget what a total arse I am".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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