Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 28 March 2010

image for Local Man Admits He's Never Seen His Own Head
One Day, All Heads Will Look Like This...

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today revealed to long-suffering wife Anne that he had never actually seen his own head.

The revelation came about as the culmination of a strange series of head and hair related coincidences.

Early in the day, Shuttlecock was presented with a gift from his wife, which consisted of a Nicky Clarke Xtreme set of electric hair clippers in a travel bag. Along with one of those funny shaped things which you stick up your nose to eliminate unsightly nasal hair - which at his age can be a right pain because it looks bad and acts as a proper bogey magnet. Upon reflection, the nose-hair clipper could probably be used to clip ear hairs too, but Shuttlecock didn't give this much thought as his ear holes are relatively hair free.

A little later on, at half time in the Liverpool v Sunderland match on Sky, Richard Keyes was chatting to pundits Robbie Fowler and a shaven headed Kevin Phillips, when Anne Shuttlecock wondered aloud why Kevin Phillips would ever want to shave his hair off.

Martin Shuttlecock explained that these days most blokes (excluding himself) wore their hair closely cropped these days. Anne chipped in with the question: "Would you shave your hair off if your head was that shape?"

At which point, Martin Shuttlecock admitted that he's never actually seen his own head, because the view has always been obscured by an unruly mop of hair (mostly grey these days) which he never had the inclination to shave off.

All of which left a rather confused Martin Shuttlecock scratching the head, which by his own pathetic admission, he has never seen.

Liverpool were 2-0 up at the time. The bastards.

More head shaped revelations as we get them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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