Written by Bill Licks
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Topics: Tiger Woods, Golf, Strike

Saturday, 27 March 2010

image for Golf Sale sign holders to go on strike
The public react to the Golf Sale Sign holders one day strike

For years they've been standing on the streets of Britain looking cold and pissed off holding a bright yellow sign with 'Golf Sale This Way' written on them, but tomorrow the pavements will feel that little bit emptier as the Golf Sale sign holders stage a one day strike over pay and working conditions.

Sign holders are currently paid commission on the amount of people who actually enter one of the golf stores in the form of a free McDonalds and a set of golf balls, but in an effort to cut costs the only benefit they will now receive is a 5% discount on any purchase they make from the stores over £500.

They will also be forced to stand on one leg and juggle a set of golf clubs on a 2 foot square platform over a bowl of sulphuric acid so that people might pay more attention to them.

The sign holders will protest by standing on side streets where nobody really goes pointing their signs in opposite directions to where their golf stores are actually located.

It is thought this action could cost the golf stores up to £2.50 or the cost of a bag of golf tees in loss of earnings for that particular day.

The owner of Tigers Golf Emporium, just off Oxford Street somewhere, has accused the sign holders of living in the dark ages and thinks it's about time they moved into the twenty-first century. 'They've had it easy for far too long' he said, 'they stand around all day, staring into space, listening to their Ipods, leaning on their signs as if they weren't able to stand up on their own two feet. Half the time their signs are pointing in the wrong direction or towards the pavement so nobody has a bloody clue where the golf stores are anyway. We just want them to show a bit more enthusiasm by trying to give the customers a clue as to where the shop actually is.'

Leader of the National Union of Sign Holders (NUSH), Spud Swampty reacted angrily to the comments by pretending to speak on his mobile phone when someone asked him the way to the golf shop. He pointed roughly in the right direction then stared at the pavement before twisting his sign a couple of times.

The National Union of the People Who Stand Outside Gyms Giving Flyers and Plastic Bags Containing Stuff Like a Little Box of Cereal (NUPWSOGGFPBCSLLBC) are set to take similar action next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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