Written by Morse
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 20 March 2010

image for Bitter Assaults Against Brit Servicemen Continue as Rules Make It Almost Impossible for Troops to Vote!
Dying to Defend it, But Can't Vote for It: Brit Vets Screwed Again!

Thousand of UK troops under arms on the front lines of the battle against Terrorism in Afghanistan in order to support Freedom, have found it almost impossible to comply with voting regulations.

As a result it is expected that only one front line soldier in 8 will be eligible to cast a vote in the upcoming election.

This shocking revelation comes upon revolting news that PM Gordon Brown lied when he said he maintained troop funding levels, only later being forced to admit that he had siphoned off "a few quid' to house, feed and succor a multitude of artistic jihadists flooding into Britain while 'the boys' were getting their arse shot off due to inferior kits.

Add to this a local business man who said he'd rather hire a druggie or a pedophile before an Army veteran, and you find an emerging pattern of abuse and discrimination against those who volunteered to maintain the pride of sinking British Self Esteem and an island soon to be underwater.

Due to a convoluted system employed against the military, a serviceman must register to vote every year in a process that is complex, time consuming, and fraught with pitfalls including a short time frame almost impossible to comply with due to the appalling lack of timely postal delivery within the UK, let alone the Poppy Fields of Afghanistan.

In addition, a survey taken indicated that most servicemen were unaware of either the procedure or their right to vote.

A Shadowy Spokesman for the PM brushed off criticism saying, "Hey, there's only a few thousand of the boys 'over there' and their votes won't make a difference. Besides, they're too far removed from home to understand the needs of the country and the life threatening issues when it comes time to cast a ballot."

Meanwhile, 2 companies of Royal Marines were told they wouldn't be going home for Easter since British Airway employees said they were going on strike and wouldn't be part of any humanitarian airlift, no matter what they were promised, and wouldn't fly anyway with a plane full of "blokes with guns."

Meanwhile a horde of Labour volunteers were canvassing neighborhoods signing up homeless travelers found living in trees, tool sheds and rabbit pens, promising secure housing, a weekly allowance, health care, and a free college education in Scotland if they voted to keep Labour in Power.

As the deadline looms for the election, which could go either way, it turns out the swing vote could come down to Jon Venables & Robbie Thompson, the two convicted child killers who recently had their voting rights restored due to an EU Council of Ministers ruling.

Despite a secret closed door meeting with the two, the PM said anything he discussed with them was shielded by his hastily enacted 'Reconciliation Act for Pedophiles.'

An unidentified source close to the convicted felons said they were told to vote Labour or they would be sent to Afghanistan and assigned to a forward position with a sign on their chest saying, "Fuck Me...I'm British!"

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 3?

7 12 4 19

Go to top