Written by Joe Dent
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Topics: Money

Wednesday, 8 December 2004

image for BBC Boss Leads By Example
Mark Thompson: Still Smiling

Mark Thompson, the BBC director general has guillotined himself in a selfless act in order to save money at the world famous broadcasting corporation.

Mr Thompson said that £320m a year needed to be saved in order to improve the quality of programmes, and his salary would go someway towards this.

Repeats, repeats, repeats and awful Saturday evening schedules would be a thing of the past in the future, said the ex-director general as his head rolled out of Broadcasting House after a Radio Four interview.

Mr Thompson told waiting reporters' feet that he had made a great sacrifice by severing himself from the BBC. He said that he hoped others at the BBC would also make sacrifices, albeit much smaller, to help save enough money to make some decent programmes.

"I'm not going to ask a few thousand employees to cut off their heads. That wouldn't be fair. But I would ask them to get lost. I'm sick of bloody repeats and God-awful shows. The viewers think they're hard done by, but they don't seem to realise that I take most of the flak for the rubbish we sometimes put out."

Around 2900 jobs will be cut to help achieve the savings Mr Thompson said are necessary to get programmes like Noel Edmonds' House Party back on air.

Ironically, many of the cuts will be at administrative departments such as human resources and training. Other jobs will be lost in finance, which might make it difficult to calculate exactly when the £320m has been saved.

In addition to this, about 2000 employees will be relocated to Manchester, where the cost of living is significantly lower and wages can be cut by 99.432 percent.

A senior BBC executive said relocated workers would not have to cultivate a Mancunian accent. Nor would they have to wear cloth caps and keep pigeons.

One department that will be moving to Manchester is Children's TV and radio. Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po, better known as the Teletubbies, are said to be furious at the news. All four members of the hit children's show, who are regularly seen enjoying the capital's night life, believe Manchester will not be able to provide the same vibe as London.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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