Written by Monkey Woods
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Murder, Merseyside

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

image for James Bulger Killer Back Behind Bars
Any ideas, anyone?

Jon Venables, one of the killers of two-year-old James Bulger is back behind bars after breaching the terms of his release, the Ministry of Justice has said.

Venables, now 27, along with his friend Robert Thompson, murdered the toddler in Bootle, Merseyside, in 1993. Both of the killers were just 10 years old. Given life sentences, they were released in 2001 with new identities and under certain licence conditions.

The MoJ did not detail the nature of Venables' breach of his licence, but released this statement:

"We can confirm that Jon Venables has been recalled to custody following a breach of licence conditions. Offenders on licence are subject to strict conditions; if they breach those conditions they are subject to immediate recall."

Laurence Lee, Venables' solicitor at the time of his trial, said:

"He could have been recalled on licence if he committed an offence, it could be that he returned to Merseyside, it could be he might have approached the family. There is no evidence so far that he did any of these things."

But one angry social commentator on the satirical news website TheSpoof.com said it didn't matter what Venables had done to breach his release conditions. Moys Kenwood told us:

"Who gives a fuck whether he's committed an offence, returned to Merseyside or stubbed his toe. The cunt and his mate should have been put to death in 1993 and saved the taxpayer an enormous amount of money. I shouldn't think he's too worried about being locked up again. He murdered a child in 1993 and ended up back on the streets. He'll be looked after in jail in a cell on his own with a computer and satellite TV, served poached salmon in a white wine sauce with sauted potatoes, and a glass of Chianti for his tea every night, and will, no doubt, be commissioned by some sicko newspaper to write his 'memoirs' for which he will be paid handsomely. Bastard."

When he had calmed down, he added:

"Apparently, this is the way to make it big in Britain today."

If anyone knows the current identities of Venables or Thompson, they should let as many people know as is humanly possible, so that the murderers can be 'properly dealt with'.

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 2?

5 8 1 14

Go to top