Written by Earl Grey
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Thursday, 25 February 2010

image for Killer Whale Called Gordon Attacks Trainer Called Tony
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the chamber...

A killer whale called Gordon has attacked his trainer at Westminster's Seaworld. The trainer was dragged down to the very depths, just like everyone else in the country. There are rumours that Gordon had been threatening to attack for some time.

Gordon, a Scottish Killer Whale or Bloater, has been particularly bad tempered recently and it has come as no surprise that he has attacked and killed Tony. The trainer had a reputation for feeding Gordon the same old meal time after time. Perhaps if he had tried to vary the menu he might still be alive.

The incident took place in front of a large crowd. One member of the audience, Dave, said "Ya, it was totally amazing. It reminds me of when that old sea monster Margaret was here. She never gave them a chance."

A leading expert at Seaworld, Tony Benn, said that the failure to understand the creature's basic needs was to blame. "The Killer Bloater needs to be the centre of attention. If you, as the trainer, wear a spangly costume and take all the plaudits then one day you are going to get well and truly mullered! Trust me. I know what I'm talking about. I remember mother telling me about Lloyd George when....."

Seaworld is expected to reopen in time for the Japanese to hunt down and kill Gordon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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