Written by Ben Stokell
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Topics: Banks, Eggs, bonus

Monday, 22 February 2010

image for RBS CEO In Bonus Replacement Rumour
What the eggs purchased may look like

Stephen Hester, CEO of the Royal Bank of Scotland, has recently hit the headlines by announcing that he is giving up his £1.6m bonus for 2009.

However, it came to my attention that he didn't mention that he might be replacing it with something non-monetary.

On further investigation, it appeared that he could be replacing the £1.6m with 800,000 boxes of eggs, with half a dozen inside each, if my source is to be believed.

Danny West, a local Scottish farmer, spoke to me from his farm in Wales: "When he came in, I thought he weren't like the normal folk who comes in here - he was wearing a suit. He came in and asked for all these eggs, and he said he would pay me extra not to go blabbing. He was prepared to pay £2 per box instead of £1.60, but I'm an honourable guy, so I said no."

After numerous calculations in my office, it was revealed that 800,000 boxes of eggs at £2 each, qould equal the £1.6m that he was supposedly forgoing.

"I'm still trying to get enough eggs for the order. I'm resorting to using sheep eggs to make the difference."

It would appear that, in light of good publicity, Stephen Hester could be single-handedly destroying the egg industry.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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