Written by Bill Licks
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Tuesday, 16 February 2010

image for Annoying, fat, Scouse woman on Deal or No Deal drives angry viewers to watch Midsomer Murders instead
Edmonds - Unhappy at the ratings for todays show

Daytime TV viewers were up in arms today after self righteous, gnome Noel Edmonds, chose an irritating lump of lard from Liverpool to be the contestant on Deal Or No Deal.

Fans of the show took an immediate dislike to her and reached for their remote controls. Some hit the mute button but others took the more extreme action of changing channels to watch an 'action packed' episode of Midsomer Murders.

Irate viewer, Hilda Cheeseplant, 85, said 'The moment I set eyes on her I knew I wouldn't like her. She was loud, unfunny and had a face like a syphilitic bollock. I normally enjoy my 45 minutes in the company of little Noelly so I'm gutted that I had to watch John Nettles instead. Not that there's anything wrong with John Nettles but it was half way through Midsomer's when I turned over so I didn't have a clue what was going on.'

'I can only hope the chinless tart fucks off back to Merseyside with just 1 pence but I'll never know.'

Mrs Cheeseplant confirmed she would be watching Deal Or No Deal again tomorrow when she hopes she might like the contestant this time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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