Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Labour, Liverpool

Monday, 8 February 2010

image for Luciana Berger - Sexy Maybe, But Certainly Not A Scouser
Westminster - For Liverpool Go Up A Bit And Turn Left At Manchester.

She's pretty, sexy, intelligent, she lives in Camden, North London (according to this frequently inebriated researcher) and she's a politically active New Labour candidate for the safe seat of Liverpool Wavertree.

Which prompts the question: Why?

Luciana Berger, as alluring as she may be has no connection whatsoever with the city she intends to represent in parliament. Indeed, when quizzed by Liverpool based media types about scouse history, she exhibited an alarming lack of local knowledge.

It appears that she thought Shankly was a cut of meat, Goodison was a Reformation Bishop, Scotland Road was in Glasgow, Stanley Park was an industrial estate, the Royal Liver Building was a kosher butcher's shop, Jimmy Tarbuck was a wild west gunslinger, and Lime Street was where the lady-boys hang out in Singapore.

Her thoughts about 'The Boys From The Black Stuff' are unprintable in the pages of a family orientated satirical website such as theSpoof.com

Which has prompted 'proper Scouser' former Trade Union activist and couch potato Jim Royle out of 'The Royle Family' aka actor Ricky Tomlinson to consider standing against Ms Berger in the General Election under the campaign slogan:

"BERGER? MY ARSE!"

In a tit-for-tat gesture, Independent Labour activists in the city are considering putting scouse stand-up comedian Stan Boardman up as a candidate for Kensington and Chelsea.

"Fucking Scousers!" Tony Blair allegedly complained to an aide. "They're all inverted snobs. And their sense of humour is shite."

Ms Berger was unavailable for comment as she was scouring Camden Market for a new rug and some trendy scatter cushions.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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