Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 28 January 2010

image for Susan Boyle Threatened With Eviction For Being A Noisy Neighbour
Boyle: I Drained A Drain

Susan Boyle, the oldest-looking 47-year-old woman in the world, has incurred the wrath of the local council this week for persistent noise pollution, and has been told that, unless she curbs her enthusiasm for singing, she faces eviction from the council house she has lived in since she was a child.

Boyle, ugly, shot to fame in 2009 as a contestant on Britain's Got Talent, the show that takes nobodies off the street, and places them before a nationwide TV audience for comedic purposes. She eventually finished second behind crap dance troupe Diversity, who have since faded back into obscurity where they belong.

Boyle's neighbours have complained to the council on several occasions, but things came to a head last week, when Boyle belted out her version of the Sex Pistols Anarchy In The UK whilst having a bath, embellished by the strains of her John Lydon impersonation. It was too much for next-door-neighbour, Archie Dross. He told us:

"The woman's a facken nuisance. Av bin liven here for a hundred facken years, an' av nivver hear'd anything facken like et! She sings like a facken drain!"

A council spokesman said:

"We are aware of this revolting individual, and are taking steps to deal with her."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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