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Wednesday, 6 January 2010

image for MPs demand Brown heart attack
Giant fingers to push Brown over

Over 100 Labour MPs have signed an open letter demanding Gordon Brown has a non-fatal heart attack.

The move comes as the Labour party is looking at desperate measures to ensure a hung parliament.

Senior Labour backbencher Oliver Army said: "A heart attack for the PM would be the best solution for the party.

"Brown's legacy as the man who saved the world from a financial crisis will be protected and the party can bring in a new face to bring forward an election draw.

"Honestly, a death would be best as it would create a great wave of support for the party."

He added: "A lot of us were hoping swine flu might do the trick."

The move took further momentum when cabinet ministers Alistair Darling, Lord Mandelson, one of the Millibands and Alan Johnson all took longer than 12 minutes to dismiss the calls.


Home secretary Johnson said: "Silly snow season stuff. It happened last year in February and it will last just as long as the snow.

"The temperatures drop, the Palace of Westminster heating is slow to follow and MPs start to shiver and complain."

However, moves for the prime minister to suffer a cardiac arrest now seem certain to hold as snow is expected to hold into the weekend.

Political analyst August DeBelleBelle said: "A cabinet death may well aid Labour, but there is no evidence that if Gordon popped his bucket the party would gain. However, a senior figure slipping on the ice could well create enough momentum for Labour to step up and halt any rebellion."

A secret ballot of Labour MPs is now to be held to decide which cabinet minister is to die.

Downing Street has refused to comment on the ballot, or the flurry of doctors entering Number 10.

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