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Tuesday, 5 January 2010

image for Brown: Vote Labour or get used to the snow
UK decides: Snow or Brown

Gordon Brown has told Britain the cold weather is a punishment from god and may last until March.

The PM's spokesperson told reporters that the PM had been in negotiations with god to hold back the snow, but the deity had hit back saying the cold weather would stay as punishment.

The spokesperson said: "God is punishing the UK for even considering a Conservative government."

The last severe cold winter snap occurred in the UK in 1981 under Thatcher's Tory government and experts state there is a clear correlation between cold weather and Conservative governments.

UK weatherologist Danklin Franklinfurter said: "Our charts show whenever Labour, and before them, the Liberals were in power, Britain was gloriously warm and the weather was great.

"I'm not a god-fearing man, but if I were I would say that it was god saying something about the Conservatives. But I'm not a god-fearing man, so I am not going to say that. Makes you think though."

David Cameron's spokesman has hit out at the PM's spokesperson for using the weather and the misery millions of Britons were probably not facing to score electoral points.

He added: "We've only got four hours of gas left. And Germany has got seven years. Gordon Brown's hot air won't heat the country."

But nobody was listening.

The PM tomorrow is expected to make a formal statement on his conversation with god about the weather, after it was revealed no conversation actually took place and a UK/heaven partnership to hold back the clouds has been in place since 1972.

Political commentator Howard Howards said: "The UK might be chilling up but I'd hate to be in the hot seat of the spokesperson when Gordon gives him a tongue bashing. Do you see what I did there?"

He added: "Have you noticed major bad weather stories only really become major once they hit the south-east of England or London?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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