Written by Kenneth Manboobs
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Friday, 17 September 2004

image for Prince William Single-Handedly Brings Back Ascot
One Million Dollars worth of W.A.S.P.

London - Credit the newest retro fashion wave to one of the most established families in the western hemisphere. In April the photogenic Prince William was spotted at a polo match sporting a colorful ascot, the rest is quickly turning into fashion history.

Thanks in large part to the shifting socio-economic climate in the US that emphasizes the ever widening gap between the haves and the have-nots, the ascot has once again become synonymous with flamboyant wealth.

"We really wanted that extra little something," says Preston Willingham of Southampton, NY. "We already brought back the color pink for men, loafers, and the upturned collar. This was really the next logical step, and I for one applaud the Prince." Willingham noted that all of the aforementioned waspy trends only "mildly pissed off the poor and minorities". This, he says, "should really get them in a knot."

When reached for comment Prince William declined to accept the praise, mentioning only that this spring's ascot was only the tip of the iceberg, "All I'm saying is have your cameras ready when fox hunting season rolls around."

Prior to the current revival it was widely accepted that the ascot was dead, even among the wealthiest, most waddle prone socialites. The 1990's saw a wave of political correctness wash over the fashion landscape. From the grunge to the bohemian to the Gap, not an ascot was to be had.

"It was only a matter of time," speculated Columbia fashion/economics professor Dr. William Sanderson. "The incredible boom of wealth in the last decade combined with the neo-con explosion, I'm surprised P. Diddy didn't think of this two years ago." Dr. Sanderson continued, stating that "having the balls to sport an ascot was the political equivalent of giving the finger to North Korea. Simply put it says I could buy your ass if I wanted to."

This trend marks the high water point in passive aggressive fashion. It says, "I look preposterous, but what are you going to do about it? I'm rich." The ascot wearer almost dares one to scoff in his direction. Dr. Sanderson remarks that, "most people are one cutting glance away from being labeled a stupid liberal."

So welcome back ascot, Hugh Hefner and the Millionaire from Gilligan's Island waddles were getting cold and insecure.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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