Written by Tom Duckworth
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Sunday, 3 January 2010

image for Health and Smafety

Shock has spread to the streets of Wales today after last nights tragic events leading to the death of Dolly the hooker. The tragedy unfolded when Dolly's client requested her to put a condom on with her mouth, a trick she well famed for amongst the locals. Sadly this particular performance went drastically wrong after Dolly accidentally swallowed the condom and chocked on it.

Police have issued a statement claiming the client was not to blame for the incident - much to the contradiction of Moral Injury Lawyers 4U slogan, "There's only a claim if there's blame!"

Health officials have decided to take action and will be teaming up with supermarkets to deliver a new range of value condoms which they feel will keep other citizens safe from this kind of danger in the future. The new condoms will feature anti-choke air holes similar to those put into plastic bags which currently save thousands of childrens lives on a daily basis. The air holes are strategically positioned to allow a free flow of oxygen to the lungs if one were to be swallowed and get lodged in throat.

The designers' genius/sanity is still being questioned, but one critic has told us, he has a girlfriend and would feel a lot happier at home knowing his sex is the safest it can possibly be. He already keeps a fire extinguisher by the bedside after the resent outbreak of rumours that many people's sex has been catching fire.

All we can say is, step aside Durex extra safe. Tesco value extra extra safe are here!

*Dolly the hooker was a sheep

In other news, Moral Injury Lawyers 4U are being sued for misconduct because their name is implying that lawyers have morals.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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