Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Christmas, Local, pets

Monday, 14 December 2009

image for Local Man Accused Of Spoiling Christmas
Is That A Six Inch Nail In Your Hand Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, was today accused by his usually loving spouse of conspiring to spoil Christmas.

Anne Shuttlecock arrived home from work to catch her husband attempting to catch two wabbits in a hutch in the back garden. Assuming that he was planning some homicidal wabbit related activity, she quickly intervened, kicking her errant husband right up the arse.

As Martin Shuttlecock howled in protest, and no little degree of pain, neighbours reported that Anne screamed:

"You were going to kill the wabbits you bastard! They're for the little ones for Christmas you heartless scumbag piece of shit!"

Shuttlecock responded that he was hungry because the family's pet cat had hi-jacked his chicken sandwich off the dinner table.

"Touch them wabbits and you're dead meat matey!" Anne Shuttlecock threatened.

An unusually subdued Martin Shuttlecock later told us in a reflective moment:

"I've been fattening them up for over a week now. I reckon the one's ready for the pot. The wife gets carried away sometimes. Sentimental like. If she'd just got home an hour later, we'd both have been happily tucking into a tasty rabbit pie."

Rumours that Shuttlecock planned on killing the cute ickle wabbit by hammering a six inch nail through its skull with a big hammer have yet to be confirmed.

More Fergus McCarthy type stuff as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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