Written by JP Johnston
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 13 December 2009

image for Blair "Didn't Need Electorate"
Blair Driving to Brussels

Tony Blair today expanded on his astounding claim that he would have found a way to gain the mandate to invade Iraq without the dossier on weapons of mass destruction. He explained that in fact a UN resolution was not required, that the UK Parliament would have "been circumvented had the need arisen", and that war was inevitable as Saddam "Was killing people and destabilising the region. We had to save them."

He also claimed he would have become Prime Minister "With or without the popular vote. It would have just taken a little longer. The will existed. When a thing must happen, then considerations such as elections are luxuries to be kept for better times. It was just as well the electorate agreed" he said as "Things would have become messy."

Prompted by another pint he continued, "I will be President of a Federal Europe one day. This might sound odd, but it is my destiny. Seriously. We are faced with an international Islamist conspiracy, and Europe has an irrepressible need for further expansion in the East. Government by committee doesn't work in the face of such problems. The people will come to realise who their enemies are and what needs to be done."

He continued after the lock in. "Oh, I'll have a Wife Beater, thanks. The problem with Hitler was he should have allowed his armed forces to carry out their tasks. These people are experts. Hitler kept interfering, and that is how he lost a whole army at Stalingrad. As long as the forces are following orders from their political masters, leave them to it. We'd be in Moscow in weeks if it wasn't for the nukes, of course. As it is we have to use the back door.

"The Islamic problem," he went on, "Has to be solved once and for all, though, and Grandpa Adolf had the only solution. He was a catholic too, you know. God guided his hand."

Make JP Johnston's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 5?

2 1 16 15

Go to top