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Wednesday, 9 December 2009

image for Pre-Budget Report: Darling plans sexy tax
Taxman will be checking how sexy you are

Alistair Darling will today unveil a new sexy tax in the pre-Budget report.

The chancellor will set his stall ahead of the election by turning the tap on clear red water between Labour and the Conservatives with a new sexy tax.

Backed by Presbyterian PM Gordon Brown, Darling will announce a new sexy tax to plug the £12 trillion hole in the public finances.

Lap dancing clubs will face a 18 per cent sexy tax on tips and champagne, as the government looks to target bankers' bonuses through indirect taxation.

Saucy nurses outfits will also be taxed, as recession Britain under Labour will become "pure and puritan", the chancellor will say.

Labour backbenchers have hit out at the plans.

Clement Spatula, Labour MP for Worcester and Hove, said: "Many working class men love heading down to titty bars for an escape from the drudgery of their meaningless existence, just as bankers do.

"For many women, erotic dancing is the only option to step off a life of benefits."

George Osborne, shadow Tory monger, said: "Daddy told me about these places once."

The sexy tax will be enforced by the new sexy tax taskforce, at HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC).

Bea Kangar, chief sexy taxlady, said: "Collecting this tax is making me so hot. I'll have to take off this cardigan.

"My team of civil servants will be measuring how sexy is Britain is and taxing people hard."

HMRC has also launched a website where people can subscribe to exclusive coverage of the sex tax taskforce, which is expected to raise £100 million over four years.

Brits can use self-assessment forms to rate their sexiness, or have the sexy tax staff come round and check, which will cost £99.

Peter Stringyfellow said: "I am declaring myself bankrupt as there is no way I could afford the sexy tax, as I am so sexy. I reckon I would be in the top band of sexy people."

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