Written by Nick Hobbs
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Friday, 27 November 2009

image for Doctor Confirms Smoking Is Good For You
Dr Angram Philchpott, Doctor of Mental.

Scientist, and man who know's what it's about, Dr Angram Philchpott has categorically stated, so it must be true, that certain things that at first were thought bad are infact good for you.

Things like smoking, which are generally accepted to be fatal, infact make you look cool. "If a person is at ease with oneself, then that alone decreases the risk of heart attacks and stress related illnesses. I'm more relaxed if I know I look cool, so therefore smoking is good for me."

Drinking is also good for you according to the good doctor. "Drinking 12 pints a day of your favourite alcoholic drink builds up your resistance to the effects of the drug Alcoholiseptum, the active ingredient in alcohol. The more I drink the less effect I feel, so therefore the less it feels like I've drunk, and the clearer my head will be for work tomorrow, see? More is better for me."

"Fried food," he continues "is a healthier way to eat for sure. No bacteria can survive 170-200 degrees of heated oil, yet it thrives on salads and cold meat platters. And the fat build up in your body gives you great insulation in the winter, so no hypothermia like the salad brigade will be getting, and you save money on clothing so you can spend more on fags, booze and takeout!"

Studies are still continuing as the doctor attempts to prove that eating raw chicken is a good idea, not going to the toilet for a straight week is not bad for you and sleep deprevation is a positive thing and should be treated as such.

We await his conclusion on the study 'Seat Belts: Needed Or Not' when he is discharged from hospital next month.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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